Rock bottom

I went to see The Rock Bottom Remainders this week, figuring that my standing as a writing geek would be revoked unless I saw these people play live. The band of writing luminaries started jamming together in 1992 and for me the draw was — no, not Stephen King, who wasn’t on this tour — Dave Barry, a founding member, an author, columnist and humorist.

When I was in college, I had sort of a writing crush on Dave Barry and I thought I might marry him except that I already had a boyfriend and he was married to “my wife, Beth,” who often appeared in his columns. Then they got divorced, which should have meant there was room for me but actually? I was kind of crushed. But he found love again. I’m hoping Beth did, too.

Anyway, my senior year in college I wrote him a letter asking for job advice and he graciously responded with a long handwritten note that I kept on my bulletin board for years after I finally did land a job in journalism. In 1991 I was even quoted in an actual Dave Barry column because I had reported on a tomato that speed-dialed 911. True story. (The column is here, online, courtesy of the Orlando Sentinel. You will find his reference to me on page 2. My fifteen minutes. Tick. Tock.)

When the band played at the 9:30 club Wednesday, the all-star lineup included:
Amy Tan
Dave Barry (and brother Sam)
Scott Turow
Mitch Albom (and his wife Janine Sabino)
James McBride
Roy Blount Jr.
Greg Iles
Ridley Pearson
Kathi Kamen Goldmark
And a ringer drummer and sax player whose names escape me. (Sorry guys).
Both Stephen King and Matt Groening weren’t on stage for this show, darn them.

I was accompanied by my stalwart husband, the stalwart Amy Brecount White, and her stalwart husband. I’d tried to convince some other writing friends to go but a few of them were busy and when they heard it was at the 9:30 a few of them turned tail. “The floor makes my feet hurt,” said my friend Jim, who writes some very tough fiction. Apparently he does not have tough knees. Or else he knew better.

I’ve always wanted to be a rock star myself, but not having any real musical talent the closest I’ve gotten to a stage has been when I was pressed against it during a Teenage Fan Club show sometime in the 1990s. But the Remainders have sold hundreds of thousands of books. In a way, they’re like rock stars, and they can be real rock stars when they want to be. They want to be for approximately one week a year. As a music writer I’m tempted to review the show, but that wouldn’t be the point, would it? The Remainders say in their self-deprecating FAQ that they know how to play the G chord. Therefore, they add, they like to play songs that feature G. Know what? They didn’t lie.

Some musical highlights: Kathi Goldmark’s song about being a middle-age woman; Greg Iles’ blues about best sellers at Tom Clancy’s expense. And Roger McGuinn’s five songs when he was brought up on stage to lend “actual musical talent” (their words) to the event.
Some other highlights: Amy Tan’s performance art (yes, I think we can call it that); the back-up do-wops, Roy Blount Jr’s introductions (though they needed more of them.)
Some wisdom: “All you need is a rainbow wig.” The quote is from my husband, inspired by Scott Turow, who wore one.
Some warm fuzzies: The money went to Haiti and wegivebooks.org.
Some more warm fuzzies: The tickets were tax deductible.
Some revelations: Amy Tan wore fishnets, a practically backless dress and a blonde wig. The woman is fearless. Mitch Albom is surprisingly buff. Greg Iles can really sing and play. And Dave Barry, my favorite goofball, has some very nimble fingers. He plays guitar way better than someone like me, at least, who is still stuck on three chords and the truth. But I’m not sure being able to play or sing was really the point, either. Roy Blount Jr., who can’t play anything, said at the beginning, “We go to the bathroom just like everyone else.” They also have fun just like everyone else. And that — that — was the point.