I started trying to learn how to play guitar in the late 1990s. It hurt. Not my ears so much (that was more of a problem when I tried to learn the banjo). It was my fingers. The calluses weren’t hard yet and my fingertips were killing me.
The late Iva Stilwell, who played stand-up bass for The Original Orchard Grass, tried to give me a break. Sometimes to give calluses a head start, she said, you can paint your fingertips with clear nail polish.
“No,” cut in Rhoda Kemp, Iva’s banjo-playing sister. “No, don’t tell her that. She’s gotta bleed.”
I feel the same way when it comes to making latkes. I’m not talking about blood, per se, though I do tend to bleed when I cook (frigging grater). I’m talking about onions. There are people — just recently my mother became one of them — who use food processors for onion chopping. But I need to be bent over the knife, the fumes from the onions wafting up, the tears streaming down.
When you make latkes, you gotta cry a little. You just gotta.
Happy Hanukkah!
I would think that if you weren’t a vegetarian before you worked in a meat market, you might very well be by the time you were done. Thanks, Kelly! That’s an awesome story! (Am fairly certain “ace in the hole” is about to enter our holiday vernacular.)
When I was in college, I worked at a kosher meat market (I was their only Catholic vegetarian employee), and every Monday night this incredibly old and frail man came in with his home health care attendant. He took a walk around the block every evening, but on Mondays he stopped in at Cecil’s to get his 1/4 of turkey, pastrami and corned beef, sliced bread, and three poppyseed hamentashen to eat over the course of the week. Since Monday nights were never busy, he and I would chat for a while – mostly about religion and philosophy because he knew I was a Theology major. After a while, he started talking to me about conversion.
“We’re not big on evangelism,” he said to me, “but you’d make a great Jew.”
“Um, thanks,” I said, “but I’m pretty fine where I am. I appreciate the offer, though.” I always say this to people who want to convert me to whatever religion. And it’s true – I really do appreciate the offer. (Incidentally, I get that A LOT.)
“Well,” he said, “I have two words that will make you change your mind: Potato Latkes. It’s our ace in the hole. No other religion has food even close to that delicious.”
And I’ll tell you what: he was right. I love how food is a religious experience all its own.
Thanks, Stacey! I have never tried making latkes with beer. Worth a try. (My own recipe includes parsnips. Wouldn’t make latkes without them.) Sadly, I already use a box grater. But processing half and grating half of the potatoes would definitely decrease my chances of injury. I’m liking that.
To avoid grating your fingers up this Chanukah, try this recipe. You can grate two potatoes and process the other two (or process all of it). Up to you.
http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/potato-latkes
Enjoy!